What Would My Kids Say?

I recently attended a funeral for a friend of mine. Every one of her children, and their spouses, got up and spoke about how wonderful a woman she was. It was heart warming and I believe she deserved every accolade said in her honour.

I teared up several times, but suddenly I felt myself squirming. Nearer to the end of the service I knew why.

In my overactive imagination I suddenly saw my children, all gathered together at my funeral. What would I hear? "Yeah ... Mom tried to be my friend but she could be pretty bossy. Usually I kept my mouth shut and just let her spew." OR, more kindly perhaps, "She certainly expressed her thoughts well ... and often." From my son something like this might be heard: "She homeschooled me for three years and I've suffered from PTSD ever since. She broke a calculator, you know. Not a shining moment." They'd all laugh, making light of my obvious faults, but I'm wondering if my ashes would shudder inside the urn.

Seriously though, what will be said of me? Do you ever wonder that too?

I'd like to leave a great legacy. Doesn't everyone?

These thoughts have moved me from self-reflection to realization. I'm a selfish human being with many faults. I can blow hot or cold in a matter of seconds, which often doesn't make it comfortable for those around me. Lets just say - I have to apologize often for speaking many unnecessary opinions. I should have Proverbs 21:23 tattooed on my forehead so I could peer at it every day when I look in the mirror. ("Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble." ESV)

We all have different personalities and I know full-well what I struggle with inside mine. But ... I hope my legacy will be that I served God with all my heart, soul and mind, even with the many holes in my nature.

A verse came to mind just now, which encompasses what I want to strive for -- not only in this blog but every day I walk on this earth.

Psalm 19:14 - "May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." (NIV)

God is SO good. If we are HIS, He's ALWAYS there to help with EVERYTHING we struggle with, and He loves us always. It gives me great peace of mind knowing that He forgives easily and that He only wants the best for us!

If any of my children speak at my funeral, may these words at least ring true: "No matter what ... she loved us fiercely. And ... she loved Jesus even more!"

THE WINNER OF THIS MONTH'S DRAW for one FREE BOOK is ... Elaine G!! Congratulations!!

NOTE: An additional draw for a FREE BOOK will be held on December 12th - just in time for Christmas! You will receive my next blog post on that date, as well. I usually aim for the 15th and end of each month but I'm going away for awhile and I'm not taking my laptop. Whaaaat? I know -- I'm going through withdrawal already.

IF YOU'RE WONDERING ... Some of you have asked about this, and some of you are patiently waiting: I have written a few more novel manuscripts but I've been struggling with how to publish these. Big decisions are ahead (I'd really appreciate prayer for this, please) but I'll let you know when my next book will be released as soon as I know. Thank you for being patient as you wait for me to move forward.

Remember: I'm praying for you. As always, if you have any specific requests, please feel free to contact me! Website, email: pdjanz11@gmail.com, text or phone: 306-621-7544

God bless you as we move into the Christmas season!

Pattie Janzen